I Vant To Be Alone

Yes, I want to be alone.  Whenever things get me down, I want to hunker down, go into a cave, and be by myself. No one calling me, visiting me, or asking for anything from me.

I guess you could call this depression.  But as a lifelong borderline basket case, I know this is not the case.  I am not so much depressed as sick. Sick of the world as it is. Sick of life and all the inequities it presents.

I want to visit Oz, minus the Wicked Witch.  Actually, minus Glenda the Good Witch, too. She’s rather annoying.

Or perhaps move to Celebration, Florida, the town established as a part of Walt Disney World, where I can live a Disney life…

I want to be alone.

I want to have a little cottage by the sea.  I want to wake each morning, sit out on the porch and sip on my coffee.  Then, if I feel like it, I will walk along the beach, stopping to pick up pretty stones or shells, and occasionally a piece of seaglass.  Mostly brown (beer bottles, don’tcha know), some white, some green.  Very, very rarely, a piece of blue.  Blue seaglass is a prize.

My days would be filled with reading and writing and walking, cooking wonderful meals, and sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. Bored? Never.

But this, unfortunately, is the real world. I have a job, five days a week at 8 a.m..  I have a mortgage, and a fuel bill.  I want to move south, but, clearly, my timing sucks. The real estate market is pretty close to dead. A great time to buy, but to sell? Not so much.

I’m studying Ayurvedic healing, and attempting to meditate.  I’m reading, and learning, about eating whole foods and breaking away from the modern addiction to plastic food.  I am trying to be healthy.

Yet each day is a struggle.  I want things to turn around, but let’s face it, ain’t gonna happen no time soon.

I can be a better me, but I can’t see a better culture.  We as a species are destroying the gift that is the earth.  We are by nature selfish and competitive and greedy.  We do not ‘love one another’.  For me, the only salvation may be to leave it all behind, to go and find that cave.

Because, truly, I want to be alone.

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25 Responses to “I Vant To Be Alone”

  1. kmcdade Says:

    I hear you. 🙂

  2. S3mp3r H4ck3r Says:

    I agree completely.

  3. nanis Says:

    Wow. I did not expect to hear agreement. I expected the “count your blessings”, “cheer up” kind of stuff…
    Maybe if we all feel this way, there is some universal truth at work here….

  4. Beth Says:

    I just said earlier this morning- I want to crawl into bed and just nap forever. Or better yet- nap forever, in a wonderfully comfortable hammock with a warm sun and a cool breeze, alcoholic drink in one hand and (while not for you) a cigarette in the other. I want to nap forever in a hammock and get away from ALL OF THIS too. Right on sister. Or better yet right on Auntie.

  5. Shawn W Says:

    More agreement here. Raise a little garden and a few chickens, find out where the bees live, and I’d be all set, just me and the cats. Sigh.

  6. nanis Says:

    Garden sounds good, but no the chickens. Cats are good, too.
    Oh, Beth, I love the thought of a warm day with a cool breeze. Another reason to go south.

  7. pandemonic Says:

    I vant to be alone too. It’s funny, isn’t it? Because about 25 years ago, that would have been the last thing I wanted. I think when you mature, you need that time to yourself.

    When you find that cottage by the sea, I hope you’ll invite me so we can be alone together.

  8. jonjonjon Says:

    Time alone is so very important but it’s when we are together we experience life!! I have been waking up early in the morning to spend some time alone, to read, just to think. It really helps me gather my thoughts and prepare for the day but I love interacting with others. I feel like I learn a lot more when I talk with others!! It would drive me crazy to spend the day alone. Although I must say that a bottle of perfectly chilled Patron and a pack of butts would be awfully nice with or with out a hammock!!!!

  9. nanis Says:

    Jon, you are a very social person. I agree that being with others can be joyous, but sometimes, when things are tough, I just want to be by myself.

    (And STOP smoking!)

  10. jonjonjon Says:

    Both Rheanna and I have stopped but it sounds so good!!! It’s been like 2 months now!!! I also very rarely drink anymore!! It’s wierd. I like Cream Soda and diet coke with lime but some Patron sounds so good right now!!!

  11. TheOtherIvy Says:

    One of the books on my ever growing books to read list is called Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto by Anneli Rufus and it begins: “Imagine you’re a loner whose ideal home would be a cottage on the beach, miles from the nearest neighbor. And your ideal day would be one in which you slept from noon to dinnertime, worked half the night, then split the rest between raising pigeons and walking – alone, of course – on the beach….”
    I haven’t read it yet but it was recommended. I value my solitude and understand the real restorative need to be alone.

  12. trees143 Says:

    So often these days I envision a little cabin in the woods – tucked back from a lake and no-one else around for miles. Yes, solitude begs for my company. I understand, my friend.

  13. madamedonna Says:

    Solitude, quiet and being alone? Those are my best friends.

  14. heathenly Says:

    Well, I love you.

  15. nanis Says:

    Aw, you are awesome. Thank you.

  16. heathenly Says:

    Nannnnccyyyy!!! Now you’re on my blogroll, so… write. Can’t you be alone but prolific?

  17. nanis Says:

    Yeah, I know… I’ve been a slacker. Life will do that to ya sometimes.

  18. Stevo Says:

    I hear you. I want to be alone, so totally alone. That’s hard to due in a city of 12 million. Even in my apartment the sounds of the community assault me. I want silence, I want solitude. Being social is chore.

    Perhaps a quiet Thai rice paddy (sans snakes) and a sleeping bag? I’d like to stare at the stars and listen to insects and wildlife.

    I hear you, and wish you well.

  19. thirdculturemom Says:

    So are you moving? That’s what I heard somewhere else….

    (Sorry to break the “want to be alone” thread, but I could only take it in worse directions.)

  20. nanis Says:

    Yeah, if the house sells.

  21. thelittlefluffycat Says:

    *winds in and out between Nancy’s ankles*

  22. nanis Says:

    Oooh, that’s one of my favorite things about kitties!

  23. herechilln Says:

    I don’t even have to respond to this.
    You now how I feel about everything that you said.
    Chin up, Sweetie.
    It can only get better, right?

    However I too, am surprised at the amount of agreement found here.
    If everyone agrees -why is it like this?

    Why isn’t it changing?

    (*solemnly shakes head*)

    I just don’t get it.

  24. herechilln Says:

    oops, that shoulda been *know*
    I lost my K somewhere?
    It must be with my marbles.

  25. nanis Says:

    My marbles are gone too.

    Here it is, months later, and I still feel the same. No, the house is not selling, I am still coming to work every day, and I want to be alone.

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